Konoha's Zombie Army
by Funky Bracelet Chick
Summary: Gather round, childen, and I will tell you the tale of how the once great Konoha was overrun with a hoard of brain sucking, flesh eating zombies. But shhh! Don't tell your parents! They, in their ignorance, believe not in this story.
1. Sakura

**Hello! Welcome to my fic! Sit down! Relax! Read! And most of all, have fun!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, don't you think this would've happened already?**

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It was a peaceful day in Konohagakure. The birds were singing, Lee was doing push-ups, and Hinata was quietly plotting world domination.

Sakura was just getting off her shift at the hospital.

Peacful isn't what Sakura would describe it as, though. Naruto had somehow blinded himself with ramen broth, Kakashi had gotten his skull cracked in half by Tsunade-baa-chan, and Sasuke had gotten his face muscles stuck in the glaring position. She had told him on more than one occasion that if he kept doing that, they would stick like that, but did he listen to her? _Noooooooooooooo_! The mighty Sasuke-sama was above taking advice from a mere mortal like herself!

The end of the day couldn't come quick enough. All of this stupid shit was playing jump rope with her last nerve.

When that magical time of day finally came around, Sakura practically flew out of the hospital doors.

After running about a block, she slowed down into a more leisurely pace. Why not enjoy the walk home?

_*~Super Awesome Time Skip~*_

Her door was open, swinging on its hinges in the breeze. Someone was in her house. She looked down. Someone with _muddy feet_ was in her house. A white hot rage with the intensity of a thousand suns was ignited within her soul. That would be hell to get out of the carpets.

Sakura pulled out a kunai. Whoever had made the mess was going to clean it up. Then, she was going to stab them in the stomach and watch as their own digestive juices poisoned them to death. It was a rather light punishment, considering what she did to the last person who had messed with her carpet.

With slow and steady steps, she crept through the door and down the hall. Whoever was here had left mud _everywhere,_ obviously not caring if she found them there or not. That made her even angrier. Did they really think she was that incompetant? If Sakura hadn't been trying to be quiet, she would have broken out into evil laughter. The fucker was gonna pay dearly for their ignorance.

Sakura stopped in her tracks. What the fuck was that smell?! Had whoever tracked in that mud just laid down and died? If the stench was anything to go by, then yes, there was someone dead in her home.

She started walking again, making sure to follow the muddy tracks. Her vibrant green eyes scanned every square inch of the hallway, watching for signs of sudden movement.

It was her ears, however, that picked out the faint scuffle of feet in the kitchen.

Fists clenched, she stepped into the doorway, ready to tear apart the son of a bitch who had had the nerve to break into her home.

A pair of pale glowing eyes met hers. It was, by far, the ugliest _thing_ she'd ever seen. The creature took deliberately slow steps towards her, and she found herself paralyzed with fear she didn't know she was even capable of feeling. So that's what she had smelled from the hallway...the reek of rotting flesh. Her eyes widened as she she realized just what that _thing_ was.

A zombie.

But that was impossible! There was no way that zombies could be real. They were just the twisted brain children of people who didn't know what real violence was like. And yet, here was living, possibly breathing, proof that they were real.

At that realization, the room's temperature took a frigid nosedive.

She began to take slow, careful steps backwards.

The whole time, she kept her eyes on the face of the monstrosity.

It was one of the ugliest mugs she'd ever seen. The skin was so messed up that she couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman. One word ran through her mind: moisturizer.

A low moan snapped her out of her vain thoughts.

It's mouth contorted awkwardly, gaining her access to a view of the inside of it's mouth. Sakura almost lost her lunch. All of it's teeth were an unhealthy black color and coated in something like green slime.

_Thump_

The sound of it's heavy step reverberated off the walls, making Sakura break out into a cold sweat.

_Thump_

"Braaaiiiiinnnnsssss!" it moaned again.

_Thump_

Sakura snapped out of her fear-induced paralysis

Not even bothering to scream (she didn't think her vocal cords were taking requests at the moment, anyway), Sakura backed away as fast as she could. She turned tail and ran like a bat out of hell.

Unknown to the pink haired medic, she had just broken the first rule in dealing with zombies. Never run away. That means you're afraid. Being afraid means you're human, seeing as only humans are scared of zombies. Cute little baby bunnies aren't even afraid of zombies. If you're human, you're food. That's basically how a zombie's mind works.

And it just so happened that our zombie friend was hungry. _Very_ hungry.

The creature gave chase. With a swiftness you wouldn't ever expect of a zombie, it launched itself after Sakura.

Poor Sakura didn't even see it coming. The zombie was sucking her brains out before she could register what was happening.

And thus ended the pitiful existance known as Sakura. May she rest in peace.

Pssh! Yeah right! She's not resting at all! With a moan of "Braaaaaaaiiiinnnssss," Sakura's body stood up, already hungry for brains. Her and her creator exchanged a few moans that could be called the Language of the Dead.

"Welcome to you're new life as a zombie! I expect you're hungry?" He said in a cheerful voice.

"Yes. Do you happen to know where I might be able to find some brains?" Sakura replied, not at all weirded out by what he was saying.

"Actually, I do. I was just going to get some more. Would you like to come with me?"

"That would be wonderful! Thank you!"

With that, they ambled down the hallway and out into the street, looking for more brains to feed their insatiable hunger.

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**Who knew zombies were so polite?**

**So what do you think? I like it, but that's just because I wrote it. I wanna know what you people think! Review!**

**I'm also taking requests for different people you want dead! I would be happy to kill them off and add them to the ranks of my zombie army!**

**I love you all!**

**~Funky Bracelet Chick**


	2. Choji and Ino

***dodges sharp objects* I'm SORRY!!!! I've been swamped with homework and then the plot bunnies just wouldn't let write! They're evil!!!!!!!!!!! **

**So yeah. Here's that chappie about Ino and Choji I promised you, overlordofnobodies. Or I think that was you. Forgive me. It's been so long and I deleted the PM, but I'm pretty sure it was you. **

**If anyone has a chara they want to be a zombie, please tell me. I have nothing planned out what-so-ever. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be the God Hidan worshipped.**

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Choji and Ino walked hand in hand around the park. Today was their second successful week in a row without getting in a major arguement. It took a lot of effort, but they were starting to get the hang of it. This date was their little celebration.

As they walked, the happy couple looked deep into each other's eyes. The only reason they weren't crashing into things was because of their awesome ninja skillz.

Suddenly, there was an ominous moaning loud enough to snap the pair out of their eye staring, which meant it was pretty loud. If you don't know what I mean, you've never had the misfortune of disrupting anyone when they're doing this.

Stumbling down the path came a couple of a different sort.

"Oh look! There's food!" Sakura moaned in a zombie's equivalent of an excited squeal.

"Good eye, my friend!" Tom moaned back jovially, "Since you spotted them first, you can have the first pick."

"Thanks! That's so kind of you."

Sakura turned her rotting eyeballs on the pair of humans she had spotted.

One of them was very...chunky...to put it politely. He was holding limbs with a skinny blonde female. As soon as she looked at them, Sakura knew that the male would taste better. He smelled better, and there was much more meat on his bones. Not that that had anything to do with brains, but the other one looked sickly thin. Her brain probably wasn't getting the nutrients it was supposed to.

"I-"

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!" The female screamed so loud it hurt Sakura's ears, but she patiently waited for her to stop before trying to speak again.

"I-"

"HOLY SHIT!!!! CHOJI! WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS!?"

Sakura tried again, "I want-"

"ARE THOSE _ZOMBIES_?!"

"It sure looks like it," the male, Choji, answered calmly.

Something about the way she called her a zombie made Sakura's blood boil (figuratively speaking, of course. Her blood had dried up in her veins long ago). The blond one said it like it was a bad thing, which it wasn't. She had such a better outlook on life now that she was undead. It was a very welcome breath of fresh air after her previously boring life. Well, as boring as being a kunoichi can be. But she digresses.

This girl was annoying. Even she, with her newfound good manners and patience, felt the need to stab her.

Taking the opportunity that the momentary silence provided, Sakura moaned, "I want the blonde one, please." That way, she got to stab her_ and_ get something to eat. It was totally win.

Tom looked at her skeptically, "If that's what you want."

"I'm quite sure."

"Okay."

With that, they started to advance on their prey.

Ino willed her leg muscles to move, and they did, but there was something keeping them there. Like hands. That's when it hit her. Hit her like...something really heavy.

Those two zombies must be doing it.

Despite the ninja training they both went through, neither Choji nor Ino could uproot themselves from where they were standing. Some unknown force was keeping them there. It wasn't fear. Both of them knew how to get past a silly thing like that. No, this was something else.

If they had ever thought to study up on zombies (although most people didn't, seeing as they weren't believed to exist), they would have known that this was one of the most basic of things that zombies could do. No one's ever lived to tell the tale through this experience, but, in theory, the zombies are using telekinetic powers to mess with their victim's brains. Once the brain is taken hold of, the rest is history. Every muscle in the body is at the will of said zombie.

To but it bluntly, they were screwed.

Not wanting to waste any time, Sakura pounced at Ino, letting go of the telekinetic hold she had on her mind at the last moment. That moment was enough for Ino. She bolted.

She was about 50 yards away from the zombies when she realized that Choji wasn't behind her. Throwing a panicky glance behind her, she stopped dead in her tracks.

His eyes glowed a sulfurous yellow color.

She couldn't stop herself from watching as Choji _willingly_ let himself be eaten by the zombie with green, nasty teeth. It was terrible.

Suddenly, the zombie with the pinkish tinted hair turned her head and stared straight into Ino's eyes.

Ino froze, the only thing going through her mind being, _Aw, shit..._

Almost casually, it started to walk/stumble over to where she was.

Ino gulped and stepped back hastily, making sure to keep her eyes on it.

Just as abruptly as it had spotted her, the zombie was loping toward her at a speed that would make any ninja proud.

And then, it was upon her. Ino didn't even have the time to blink before the zombie grabbed ahold of her arm and tugged. _Hard._

Ino screamed a blood curdling shriek of agony as her arm was ripped off from the elbow.

Sakura threw down the blonde female's arm with a _thwack_. She was as pissed off as her new-found politeness would allow. With a growl, Sakura started stomping on the arm with a foot bone that was sticking out from her heel. It was reduced to shreds within seconds.

By the time she had come back to her senses, Ino had escaped. This time, she couldn't find her.

Tom walked up to her and patted her awkwardly on the back, "I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe we can find some more somewhere else. You must still be hungry."

Sakura grumbled, "Fine."

With that, they turned to their new brother. Choji.

Jerkily, he stood up, "I'm hungry." were the first words that came out of his mouth.

Sakura laughed, "That's to be expected."

"Yes," said Tom, "You can come with us to get some brains if you'd like."

Choji didn't know why (and he really didn't care), but brains were sounding downright delicous at that moment.

"That sounds amazing! Thank you! Yes!"

And so, the three shambled off, once again resuming their endless quest for brains.

•~Meanwhile~•

Ino watched from the eyes of a squirrel she had posessed with her soul transfer jutsu. She absolutely could not believe her eyes. Choji had a gaping, bleeding hole in his skull and some large chunks taken out of his stomach and he was _still_ moving.

What really scared her, though, was that he was walking away with the zombies. What was going on? Was he a zombie now? No matter how she thought about it, no other answer made any sense.

They weren't forcing him to go with them. Choji was going of his own free will. Ino shuddered. Her Choji-kinz was technically alive, but he was no longer living. If that made any sense. She would never be able to do anything with him again, except maybe put him out of his misery. As much as it pained her heart, Ino knew it had to be done. She would have to kill Choji.

Grimly, Ino returned to her body and started running for the Hokage's office. Once there, she would get her bleeding stump of an arm fixed and report what happened to Lady Tsunade. There was no doubt in her mind that the Sannin would know what to do.

•~Back With Sakura~•

It made her want to stab someone, honestly. In particular, stabbing that blonde witch (not bitch, zombies don't cuss) sounded lovely. Darn her for getting away like that! It made her want to kill her even more than before.

Despite the inner turmoil, her outward appearance and overall demeanor didn't change one bit. Sakura was still the picture of someone who was calm and polite. She wanted to keep it that way, too. Tom would be ever so dissappointed if he found out about the festering hatred growing inside of her heart. He may even be horrified and never talk to her again.

That would really stink, but it was a risk she was willing to take. After all, he didn't need to know.

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**So...whatcha think? This was an ass kicker to write. I'm surprised I even finished it. So yeah, please review and tell me what you think. *puppy dog eyes***

**I LOVE JOO ALL!!!!!**

**~Funky Bracelet Chick**


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